Scholarship, why not?

Hell, I feel like I'm never gonna run away from scholarship thing until I really apply it. First of all, scholarship is the only reason I quit from my job recently. I told my boss and my office mates that I can't continue to work there and I have to apply scholarship real soon with my friends. That's fake! Haha!

The truth was that I just can't stand to work there anymore. Too many phoney. Then I met an old friend of mine, Ato. He was triggering me to apply the scholarship. He said that I can't never fit to our environment, that I need to go abroad for my own good. Make sense!

So he arranged the meeting with his friend, Reni, in by chance is a scholarship conselor for ELC English course. Oh, Reni also is Tesa's friend. so I am thinking why don't I give it a try on it? I mean seriously I know that have the qualification to take it. Just God damn it try!

My dilema due to do this is that I want to run my bag business with Mr. D. I've told him that I plan to take the scholarship and he looks like he doesn't really like the idea.  He said that I need to focus on the business. For me, it doesn't matter to try both. We'll see how it goes.

SELF-HELP-LISTS:

Brace yourself from the world madness!

Here are my self-help-lists to prevent me from all the bulshit things in this world especially from the environment I engage in.

1.       Always helping people;

2.       Be a kind person;

3.       Find a job that will help many people;

4.       Keep your promise that you made;

5.       Have a commitment and consistency;

6.       Have a dignity;

7.       Do everything with the whole heart;

8.       Do everything the best;

9.       Choose your friends wisely;

10.   Learn to say “NO” to people if you feel you don’t like it;

11.   Don’t think about people opinion;

12.   Do what you have to do;

13.   Don’t be lazy, move your ass and DO!

14.   Believe in what you’re doing;

15.   Have a faith on whatever thing you do;

16.   If you tried something then it fail, try harder;

17.   Exercise your body;

18.   Live healthy;

19.   Practicing more;

20.   Read more;

21.   Write everything: about life, perspectives, shit things. Everything!;

22.   Be an open minded person;

23.   Believe that God will helps you if you ask and pray for Him favors;

24.   Be independent;

25.   Don’t be spoiled;

26.   Never depends on anybody but your own self;

27.   Be happy;

28.   Find happiness inside yourself;

29.    Stop ask ma’s money;

30.   Find money yourself;

31.   Be a free people;

32.   Be a simple person;

33.   Hear songs, dance and play!

34.   Know your goals;

35.   Be brave;

36.   Be a strong girl;

37.   And be who you are.

Always remember that you were born to be somebody. You’ll do what you have to do J

Ignas Kleden says..

"...suatu gaya hidup telah dikembangkan oleh kelompok orang kaya baru, yang tengah asik-asyiknya menikmati pengalaman pertama dalam hal comfort dan karena dengan adanya periklanan serta pelbagai macam kegiatan promosi, gaya hidup semacam itu tengah ditiru oleh banyak orang yang ingin memperoleh status tertentu dalam modernitas seperti yang diajarkan oleh filsafat modernisasi"

I said like, "see.. I knew it for so long but I don't know how to say it with a proper words without making them offense"

a part of collection and a part of the blue star

"Dia Diam Dalam Tariannya" - Blue Star

The Beatles With Tony Sheridan: Beatles Pop-Hamburg Day

Buku ini segede-gede televisi 14 inchi. Dan aku senang sekali bukan kepalang karena memilikinya :)

when dreams was faded, i remain silent

When I was a kid, I used to think that all the shimmering rocks in these earth was the family of stars, sun and moon above the sky. they just got trapped here on the earth. Just like what we always seen in Armageddon movie. Space's falling long long time ago. I was mesmerize, I thought even skies didn't have that much of stars. the riches star was right under my feet. I walk on the stars, I cried suddenly!

Briefly smitten by the all shimmering stars lay on the land of earth. Sometimes I was dancing because i can't control my mind. I was too happy for having those shimmering rocks. I even think that i was so big and there must be an alien watching me happily dancing to celebrating me as the god of my own fantasy.

But then i get down, my teacher telling us the truth. He said that shimmering stars are the genuine rocks got shimmering by the reflection of the lamps, sun and the moon solely. My heart is broken. I cursed the knowledge after that.

It took approximately a month to get recovered again. I  try to accept the truth and face it with gentleness. So i did. the rest of my childhood i dedicated for the obvious knowledge, arranged by the institutional education or simply a syllabus. I learned everything my teacher said, i believe to them. Besides my mama told me so, that i have to obey the teachers.

Don't expected me being a special one afterward. Particularly a god anymore. No i realized i wasn't. Otherwise i was the dwarf, so little, and powerless. Syllabus had ruined my childhood and all the fantasy beneath my heart. I was becoming introvert, so solitude and kinda comfortable with that loneliness. That state of mine stayed until now. I can fake sometimes, that easy. But it might drained my energy after that. But that's oke, i'd rather be stranger to myself than being the stranger in majority.

The rest of my life i served as a human, a citizen particularly . Committed to do what common people do, compromising to the tradition, abide to the law of the hierarchy. Though I admitted still robbing up the fantasy things just to having me back sometimes. Most of the times are save by the music. I love to get lost from this universe by the transcendental feeling.

Now I had been through so many experiences, reading, and writing. I can say that i've been through half of the knowledge and the bulshit things they teaches me. I realized that there must be a place somewhere somehow that i can be freely being totally me. Without having problem with other people. Aren't we all having different taste of music, different taste of food, different thought about the politics, and whatsoever? Can we just deal to that differentiation rather than forced it as one? Why can't we people keeping our own fantasy and creating it into something without having

The Godmother of Punk

My Magic Mantra! Hail Patti!

Total Eclipse. A love story between Arthur Rimbaud and his boyfriend, Paul Verlaine.

In 1871 a 16 year old French poet, Arthur Rimbaud send a letter to Paul Verlaine with aims that he would help him publishing his poems book. Verlaine was very excited to invite Rimbaud to come to Paris after done reading his two poems. He also allowed Rimbaud to stay in his father in law’s house with him and his pregnant young wife.

Rimbaud was a rude, annoying, and obscene kid. So no one at that house likes him very much. Mathilda, Verlaine’s wife warning Verlaine to not easily distracted by this boy. She afraid that Rimbaud will become a dynamite someday and triggering the devastated of her family. Particularly because Verlaine drunk habit after he lost his job. Mathilda anticipation was right. Eventually Rimbaud and Verlaine relationship rose to a very intimate, even so close as a romantic relationship.

Verlaine had a vision about Rimbaud to become his soul mate. He can clearly see that this kid was different from the other kid, even to his 18 year old wife. And so did Rimbaud attract to Verlaine as well. He thought that he can fit one another to create a masterpiece of poems. Rimbaud seduces Verlaine through his intelligence, genius, and spontaneous side that he can’t get from his wife. When Matilda soon realized about this homosexuality relationship, she threaten Verlaine with asking a divorce. Alas he can’t leave Rimbaud and choose to divorce with Matilda.

Although the movie hasn't clearly depicted of Rimbaud poems itself, but overall the story is good. I found that the relationship between Rimbaud and Verlaine, though tragic was also very natural. They respected each other, and understanding about their hunger to the honest, vulgar, and obscene poems that no one would dare to write it yet at that time.

Besides that, the young Leonardo DiCaprio act was so outstanding. You might often see his roles as a playboy, a maniac, a smart guy or even a smart ass person. But in this movie is different. You are pleased to see his naked and making love with an older guy. What I presumed will mark the Total Eclipse as an important movie to watch. Otherwise of course to fulfill our curiosity about the life of the eminent prefigured surrealism poems, Arthur Rimbaud.

PS: My favorites quotes from this film is..

“Love...no such thing.

Whatever it is that binds families and married couples together, that's not love. That's stupidity or selfishness or fear. Love doesn't exist. 

Self interest exists, attachment based on personal gain exists, complacency exists. But not love. Love has to be reinvented, that’s certain.” 

― Arthur Rimbaud