when dreams was faded, i remain silent

When I was a kid, I used to think that all the shimmering rocks in these earth was the family of stars, sun and moon above the sky. they just got trapped here on the earth. Just like what we always seen in Armageddon movie. Space's falling long long time ago. I was mesmerize, I thought even skies didn't have that much of stars. the riches star was right under my feet. I walk on the stars, I cried suddenly!

Briefly smitten by the all shimmering stars lay on the land of earth. Sometimes I was dancing because i can't control my mind. I was too happy for having those shimmering rocks. I even think that i was so big and there must be an alien watching me happily dancing to celebrating me as the god of my own fantasy.

But then i get down, my teacher telling us the truth. He said that shimmering stars are the genuine rocks got shimmering by the reflection of the lamps, sun and the moon solely. My heart is broken. I cursed the knowledge after that.

It took approximately a month to get recovered again. I  try to accept the truth and face it with gentleness. So i did. the rest of my childhood i dedicated for the obvious knowledge, arranged by the institutional education or simply a syllabus. I learned everything my teacher said, i believe to them. Besides my mama told me so, that i have to obey the teachers.

Don't expected me being a special one afterward. Particularly a god anymore. No i realized i wasn't. Otherwise i was the dwarf, so little, and powerless. Syllabus had ruined my childhood and all the fantasy beneath my heart. I was becoming introvert, so solitude and kinda comfortable with that loneliness. That state of mine stayed until now. I can fake sometimes, that easy. But it might drained my energy after that. But that's oke, i'd rather be stranger to myself than being the stranger in majority.

The rest of my life i served as a human, a citizen particularly . Committed to do what common people do, compromising to the tradition, abide to the law of the hierarchy. Though I admitted still robbing up the fantasy things just to having me back sometimes. Most of the times are save by the music. I love to get lost from this universe by the transcendental feeling.

Now I had been through so many experiences, reading, and writing. I can say that i've been through half of the knowledge and the bulshit things they teaches me. I realized that there must be a place somewhere somehow that i can be freely being totally me. Without having problem with other people. Aren't we all having different taste of music, different taste of food, different thought about the politics, and whatsoever? Can we just deal to that differentiation rather than forced it as one? Why can't we people keeping our own fantasy and creating it into something without having